merry christmas, dumbass.

M and I went to the gym, an hour’s drive from my parents’ house, today and I lifted weights for the first time in approximately four months. On the way home, I bragged about how I hadn’t lost much strength during this time of rapid calorie consumption.

A few hours later, I noticed that my forearms and elbows were weak, and that my pinky fingertips were a little numb. Thanks to WebMD, I diagnosed myself with lupus, diabetes, and rheumatoid arthritis, and proceeded to relay all of this to M.

My husband, bless his heart, gently reminded me that I had lifted more weight in the past day than I had in literal months, and my muscles were fatigued, and kissed me on the forehead before leaving to pour himself a drink.

Considering how frequently this happens, I’m honestly surprised that most of his responses don’t end with him saying “…dumbass.”

Merry Christmas, y’all.

bacon is overrated

It’s my fourth day on keto, and I hate everything.

I hate cheese. I hate eggs. I hate red meat. I hate cream. I hate bacon. I hate the puny number of net carbs I can eat. I am this close to grabbing an apple out of my coworker’s hand.

Last night, my husband found me gazing lovingly at a shiny, plump Red Delicious apple on our counter. It called to me, just begging to be sliced and eaten with a scoop of peanut butter. And did I eat it? NO. Am I angry about this? YES.

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Look at how glorious this is. LOOK AT IT.

IT’S AN APPLE. IT’S FROM A TREE. IT HAS TO BE HEALTHIER THAN NOT EATING AN APPLE. I DON’T WANT CANDY OR COOKIES OR DONUTS, I WANT A DAMN APPLE.

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🎶 Late at night when all the world is sleeping / I stay up and think of you 🎶

That’s all I’ve got. I’m angry and hungry and I want a damn piece of fruit and yes I KNOW I’m choosing to try this and I should just stop whining but I really need to lose weight and keto is amazing for so many people but I just want a damn apple from a damn tree like God intended.

I’m gonna go angrily chew on a piece of cheese.