After throwing a tantrum about an apple, I ate the apple. And then I ate everything else. And then I gained back the five pounds and stomach problems and appetite I lost during my four days on keto. So now I’m reluctantly back on keto, and we’ll see how long this lasts until I shank someone for a Cutie.
Some of you are probably thinking, “why not just eat in moderation?”
Because I haven’t found a way to eat in moderation that ends up with me actually eating in moderation and making better choices (and by that, I mean not sugar-free, fat-free chemical shitstorms). My ideal diet is close to a typical wellness-loving Instagrammer, all matcha and bee pollen and Buddha bowls and oatmeal and salmon and avocado toast and fruit and yet, I haven’t found a way to lose weight eating like this, which drives me insane.
I needed something quick and easy for dinner, so I threw together this Salad Lyonnaisse, which is a prettier way of describing an egg and bacon salad. This could not be easier:
- Put some arugula in a bowl. I don’t limit greens because I love them and they’re leafy greens. Not concerned about carbs in leaves. Anyway.
- Bake or fry some bacon. Chop into lardons and sprinkle over the arugula.
- Poach two eggs. Make sure they’re kinda ugly and not Instagram-perfect. Call them rustic. Place them on the salad.
- Whizz together some dressing: 1/2 cup olive oil, 1/2 cup dijon or spicy brown mustard, 3T lemon juice, salt, pepper, minced garlic (I used five cloves because we love garlic). If it doesn’t have enough bite, add another 1-2 tablespoons of lemon juice. Drizzle over everything.
Et voila! It’s filling and not too heavy, which is perfect for days when I can’t look at a burger or steak without wanting to hurl.